F&M have turned FIVE YEARS OLD (we know, pensioners), and to celebrate, we are bringing you the FULL F&M EDUCABARET TRILOGY at The FABULOUS London Wonderground.

Beginning on June 27th with our first full-length show, the smash-hit sell-out sensation that was ‘School of Pop.’ It’s your LAST AND ONLY chance for a primary pop education, or to revisit the heady days of Kate Bash, Beep and the Stalker Medley.

On July 11th is the smash-hit sell-out follow-on ‘The College Years.’ For ONE NIGHT ONLY, see us viva our thesis on Collision Theory, reuniting Peter Andre and Florence + The Machine, analysing exactly why Noel Coward and Lily Allen are the perfect pairing, and proving once and for all that Paula and the cat were right – Opposites Attract.

On July 19th, FOR THE LAST TIME, we’ll help you turn all this education into bankable skills at the internationally acclaimed smash-hit almost-sell-out ‘PopCentre Plus.’ Find out if you’re a Britney or a Bieber, see case studies on Jessie J and Cheryl Cole, and maybe, just maybe, begin your pop career THERE AND THEN in the next big boyband sensation.

If you missed out first time, DO NOT make the same mistake again – this is absolutely your last chance to see all your fave F&M classic tracks live on stage, in all their glory. And we’ll all get twatted at the bar after.

Tickets available here.

We just picked up an Adelaide Fringe Weekly Award for Extra-Curricular Activities. We’re very excited and flattered (and a bit drunk, because it was basically a bottle of champagne). Other winners were our UK mates Abandoman and Marcel Lucont and the brilliant Limbo.

The Adelaide Advertiser have awarded us 5 stars for Extra-Curricular Activities. They called us “Bastards”. Read the review here.

We’re stopping off for a couple of days in Sydney on our way to Adelaide Fringe. Don’t miss us!

TICKETS

Excitingly, we got on the news down under with our unique brand of food chat and nonchalant microphone holding.

And there’s another from TheWest.com.au.

You can get tickets for our Perth shows here.

(c) Richard Jefferson 2012

Since that first foray to the Sydney Opera House, three years ago, we have now made a winter sabbatical to Australia a firm F&M tradition. Why? BECAUSE IT’S ONE OF THE BEST PLACES IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

Yes, we are decidedly excited to be returning to both PERTH and ADELAIDE this year, with our big splashy spectacular, Extra-Curricular Activities.

We kick things off in Perth. Ah, Perth. This is our third trip there, making it our most-frequented Aussie haunt. In between kicking back on Cottesloe, and downing pints and oysters at Little Creatures, you’ll find us at the BRAND NEW ‘Circus Theatre’ in the heart of Perth Cultural Centre, 9.30pm from 25th Jan to 8th Feb [Tickets here].

We can’t quite express how much we love Perth during Fringe World – apart from the glorious weather, gorgeous beaches and beautiful park, the atmosphere that takes over the Cultural Centre (or ‘Urban Orchard’ for the month) is magical. We’ve made friends for life in Perth, and more importantly, you seem to totally get our weird British humour. Well done you.

Secondly, we’ll be off to make our DEBUT at the Adelaide Fringe. We have been to Adelaide before, in the “depths” of “winter” (July) for the Adelaide Cabaret Festival. Now, some things happened there, things that should never be spoken of (let’s just say we’ve never seen Caroline O’Connor like THAT), so our expectations of the shit that goes down in that town are very high.

We’ll be at the Garden of Unearthly Delights, in the ‘The Deluxe’ at 10pm every night (15th Feb – 17th Mar, Tickets here). That sentence is ridiculous, but exactly what we always hoped our lives would be. As it is a “debut”, we’re putting together a very special show just for the Adelaidians, including a “How The World Sees Australia” section that, so far, we can’t get through without giggle-snotting. Hopefully by 15th Feb we’ll have regained our composure, and blown our noses.

So, if you are a hardy Aussie, standing defiantly (but very safely) against bush fires, searing temperatures and shark attacks, and you happen to need some popmusicy-seriocomic-mashparodic-stereophonic-LOUD-vaudevillian-sketchcabaret-throwbackcurrent-oldfangled-newfashioned-bapsbotty-infotainment in your life, then we will bloody well see you bloody there.

Snogz.

(in reverse order)

5) 27 Club.

 2012 was the year we premiered our experimental show, 27 Club, in which we went all dark on yo’ asses. Not TOO dark, obviously – we still had the Sugababes, Busted and Ashlee Simpson in there. But in terms of theme and atmosphere, we focused on the drama over the comedy. We only did 6 shows in total, so very few actually saw it, but we loved getting the chance to sing Nirvana and Janis Joplin, and Mannish enjoyed being allowed to force-feed Frisky prescription drugs. The highlight of the show had to be the utterly tasteless Amy Winehouse finale, with F in a full-blown angel costume and M covered in blood. Never has the phrase “You had to be there!” been more apt.

 4) Being on TV.

It’s not like we’re going to be nominated for BAFTAs any time soon, but 2012 was also the year in which Frisky and Mannish both made it onto E4 for a little solo appearance. First, M had a cameo as an eccentric, flamboyant loon singing and playing piano in Love Shaft, and then F popped up as a kooky sex-crazed partygoer in Misfits. See, we’ve already been typecast. But to be honest, both of us are still holding out for a featured role in Mrs. Brown’s Boys – then we’ll know we’ve truly made it.

 3) ‘The Perfect Christmas Single’.

Scott Mills has always been good to us, and we owe him a lot, so we were more than happy to be renamed ‘The Pigs in Blankets’ (WTF?) for our contributions to the BBC Radio 1 ‘Perfect Christmas Single’. Not only did most of the comments express surprise that the novelty song was “actually good,” but the song was voted the winner of that week’s Radio 1 Review show, making us actually legitimate and credible musical artists. Boom. Our next show will be an acoustic set of jazz-tinged alternative folk performed on Celtic harps and the Moog synthesizer. We’ve been changed by kudos.

2) Cabariot.

Our second-proudest moment of 2012 has to be our unexpected success spearheading the Cabariot movement, which began from a casual Facebook rant from Mannish during X Factor repeat one Sunday afternoon, and grew to become the only bonafide viral we’ve ever enjoyed. We wrote, produced and directed the video that took Gary Barlow to task for using the word “cabaret” as a derogatory term, but we’d be fools if we didn’t credit the beautiful bunch of cabaret freaks that we assembled as the sole reason for its continued success. And thanks, Gary Barlow, for tweeting it. Decent bloke, that.

 1) Koko Christmas show.

Without a doubt, our finest London gig to date, topping even the Shepherd’s Bush show from last year. Of course, it helps when you have the line-up of kings (and queens) in Tape Face, Abandoman, Piff, Abi Collins and Bruce Airhead… Along with Phil Cornwell, Matt West and Tom Green as your rockin’ woolly-jumpered house band… And the too-long-absent Penny Gaize lighting the place like a booze-soaked Christmas tree… And Fraser “Kick it in the dick” Martin on company manager duties, running a tight tight ship… And Sam Thornber saving the day on more than one occasion… And Chris Stark and The One Who Doesn’t Speak from Radio 1 turning up to give an impromptu performance of the Christmas Single… WITH BRIAN BELO FROM BIG BROTHER… And an audience like that. An incredible audience. Words failed us. We will never forget it. One more thing ticked off the bucket list.

Oh, and we also toured the UK . We played 40 shows to the most wonderful audiences we’ve ever had, but that’s for a whole other post.

To paraphrase what Emily Blunt says to Anne Hathaway’s replacement at the end of The Devil Wears Prada, “2013, you have some seriously big shoes to fill.”